


Tomorrow will be kinder

by someone_worth_racing_for



Series: Someone worth racing for [1]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Carlos' birthday, Lando doesn't know how to handle the situation, dealing with DNF, dealing with death, sad Lando, too much for Lando
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-10 01:28:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20519711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someone_worth_racing_for/pseuds/someone_worth_racing_for
Summary: Lando trying to deal with Anthoine's death, his DNF and then there was also Carlos' Birthday...





	Tomorrow will be kinder

No one had expected something like this to happen that weekend. No one had wanted something like this to ever happen again. But no one had got asked about it, especially not the two young drivers themselves. But it all still happened. It took everyone by surprise and especially deep shock. It caused such a terrifying feeling, it did hurt so much.

Lando didn’t know what to say, what to do or what to think. He was never in such a situation before in his life, thankfully. He didn’t know how to react to it, how to handle it right. If there was a right move in this situation anyway.

The young, talented racer was only being able to get 22 years old, before his life did end from one second to the other. Without any warnings, so unexpected. He was just gone.

The other young racer was lying with many bad injures in hospital. Not knowing if he could ever follow his dream again, physically but also mentally, after this horrible accident.

Everyone seemed to deal different with it. Some took it better, manly the older ones with their experiences and sadly also because it wasn’t the first time they had to deal with something like this, and some did worse, mainly the younger racers.

But everyone was deep shocked, didn’t matter if it were the older ones in the field, who maybe didn’t have known him or maybe just fleetingly, remembered to have heard his name before. And there were the younger once, who didn’t just know him. Many had called him even a friend over so many years.

But still it was a big lost for everyone, didn’t matter which age, what racing stable or if it was Formula one, two or three. They had all lost a friend, a colleague, a team-mate, a part of their big family.

Lando himself had also known him. Not as good like some of his colleagues, but still he had a face to his name. He did remember him from last year, when he was also in Formula two. He had spoken to him from time to time, but he never got the chance to get to know him any better. And even when he didn’t know him personally, what had happened to him let his whole body shake in unbelieving and got filled with sadness.

And there was Charles. The Monegasque who was just two years older than himself and had already to be through so many tough things he couldn’t even imagine. Lando was blessed to say he never had to deal with this before in his life, but for the young man from Monaco it was the third time in just a few years. How could such a young soul like him survive so much pain in such a short time? It did sound false, but maybe he already knew how to handle such a sad situation, if you could ever get used to such a pain anyway.

And there was also Pierre. The two of them have not only been friends since they could think, they had also started to follow their big dream about becoming a Formula one racer together. They were room-mates, classmates, have spent their childhood together. Pierre said himself, that he wouldn’t be right here where he was at the moment without his beloved friend.

Lando was with Carlos together, they were fooling around like always, when they had heard about the horrible accident. Everyone went quiet then, everybody knew what that meant. All they could do right then was to pray for their colleagues, for their friends. The whole Formula one team was tensed and introverted, prayed for it to please end well for just one more time.

While Lando gave an interview he accidentally saw a video from the accident, even when he had never wanted to see just one second of it. He was in shock when he saw the pictures and he got goose bumps everywhere on his skin when he heard the sound. Just hours ago he had driven himself by that spot and now this happened.

The young man didn’t have to ask his team-mate, if he had also seen the video, because he could see it in his expression, in his eyes. He also had. And it must remember Carlos about his own accident, how much luck he had had.

Since they had got to know about the horrible accident, the young Brit had seen the Monegasque a few times. Charles seemed to be able to hold it together. Maybe it was the shock. Maybe he still couldn’t believe it. Maybe he still had hope. Lando just couldn’t imagine how it must look inside the Monegasque at the moment, being already too overwhelmed with his own feelings.

Lando’s assessment seemed to be right, this all didn’t look good, but still he had hope, prayed for it to not be true. But it was, when they got the sad news. Anthoine had died. He had just passed away, leaving them all back in shock and unbelieving. He was just gone without being able to say good bye.

It did sound like a nightmare, a damn scary nightmare. Lando just wanted to wake up and forget this all as quickly as possible again, but when he saw the faces of the other he knew he won’t ever be able to forget just one second of it.

Charles was crying now, crying about his beloved childhood friend. All the hope was gone, it was too late. Lando also saw Russel crying, while Charles and he hugged close. Even Max was crying, the young, strong man Lando had never thought to see like that. It broke his heart to see his friends like that. But the young Brit himself couldn’t cry. He just couldn’t, because his body didn’t let him.

He couldn’t describe these feeling of loneliness and being so helpless. He also couldn’t name this stinging pain deep inside his chest, which took him his breath away. It could have been himself last year racing in Formula two, Carlos or someone else of his friends. It was just so unfair.

The team stayed together after this horrible news. Carlos disappeared with his father at one point, father and son gave each other that look, which caused goose bumps on Lando’s skin again. The young man felt alone, even in the middle of his team.

Some laid their hands encouraging on his shoulder trying to cheer him up, some tried to find the right words, some gave him a hug, but nothing of all that made him feel any better. If there was anything that could change his feelings at the moment anyway.

He wished for his family, for his parents to be here. Of course, he had already spoken to them, but it wasn’t enough to calm him down again. Everyone had probably done this after today, talking to their loved once. Something like this showed how important family and friends were, because in the next second you or someone you really care about could be gone. With every year without an accident they slowly start to forget about how dangerous this sport really was. It was heart breaking that it needed such a horrible accident to remember them all about it again.

Finally the young Brit got to his hotel room, alone. But he really didn’t want to be alone tonight. He was curled up on top of his bed, his back leaned against the wall, his knees angled to his chest, deep inside his thoughts, when it knocked at his door. “Lando? It’s me.” He could hear the already so familiar voice with the Spanish accent.

It was like his team-mate had heard his thoughts screaming for not being able to be alone right now. Carlos wanted to check on him if he was okay, he was worried about his being. “It’s opened.” Lando answered him from where he was sitting, bringing himself into a more upright position and crossing his legs in front of him. One second later Carlos’ head already peeked through the half opened door. He was never so glad to see his team-mate before.

When the older one saw the young Brit, saw the way his small body almost screamed for help sitting on top of the way too big looking bed, he quickly entered the room, closed the door behind him and made his way over to his younger team-mate.

Carlos let himself sink down next to Lando, who just eyed him almost shyly. The eyes of the older one were red and also a little swollen, he had also cried. Somehow Lando felt bad for not being able to cry, but he really just couldn’t. “You okay, little one?” The Spaniard asked carefully, not using his usual teasing nick name. It showed Lando how worried he really was about him.

But the younger one kept quiet, just looked at him with big, for help seeking eyes. Lando still didn’t know what to say, what to do or what to think. To give his feelings a name or even describe them. He felt horrible.

But the young man at least knew he wanted one thing. One thing he was too afraid about to ask for it. But it was again like his older team-mate could read his mind, when Carlos let his finger slide well-meant trough his curly hair and finally pulled him into a hug. A real meant hug from the bottom of his heart.

“It’s okay. I got you.” The Spaniard whispered into his hair, while Lando pulled his arms tight around his team-mate’s belly, being so thankful for him just being here and holding him, when he needed it the most. Lando even closed his eyes overwhelmed, but still he wasn’t able to show his feelings through tears. Glad the young Brit leaned his head against Carlos’ chest, let the older one cradle him in his arms, while he moved his fingertips that protecting way over his arms and let his fingers slide through his locks.

Lando was never so thankful before, to have such a great team-mate. He really couldn’t have got a better one. He did remember about the beginning of the season. Everything was new, he was so damn nervous, scared and under pressure to do everything right.

The day he was going to meet Carlos he was even more excited, because what if the Spaniard won’t like him? What if he won’t accept him? What if he will be nasty to him? They had to be team-mates for at least one season, so they had to get along with each other somehow.

But all his worries were for nothing, when Lando finally got to know Carlos and how much he liked to spend time with him together. They did fool around most of the time, tease each other and just had a lot of fun. They became friends pretty quickly. But at the end of the day the younger one could count on his friend. Lando did trust Carlos fully, he felt comfortable and safe around him. They were such a great team.

The older one was always very protective and helpful, especially in the beginning of Lando’s Formula one carrier. Carlos was sometimes like an older brother for him, sometimes a very good friend and sometimes their relationship felt like a father and son’s one. The support the younger one sometimes needed, the Spaniard had never hesitated for one second to give him the strength he needed so urgently in these moments. Like right now.

Carlos kept quiet the whole time, he just held his friend close, and while Lando hold onto him, the Spaniard’s own thoughts were far away. What would he have done, if anything would have happened to his so young team-mate in his arms? It could have happened to anyone. No one was safe and no one knew what will happen the next day.

Somehow Lando ended up with lying with his head on top of Carlos’ lap, while the older one still stroked calmly over his small, shaking body, after he had made himself comfortable on the king-sized bed and leaned against the wall. Lando’s eyes were closed already since such a long time. He had already dozed off a few times, but always when he was close to fall asleep his body began to twitch badly under Carlos’ palms.

The older one always tried to calm him down again then, shushed him softly, when he fell out of his comfort. He whispered soothing things into his ear, holding him even closer. Most of the time he spoke in Spanish and even when the young Brit didn’t understand one word, he still began to relax again by his calm voice.

He was tired, wanted to fall asleep, but he was also afraid about doing so. Lando was scared about to see the pictures, the horrible sounds of the accident again. To find the faces from the other drivers, his friends, in his dreams again. He didn’t want to fall asleep and he was also frightened to fall asleep alone.

Lando did panic, when he could feel Carlos move under his body. He tried to slip away from under him and leave him all alone again. Quickly the young Brit tried to support himself on his hands, before he looked with big eyes up at his team-mate and said all scared “Please, don’t leave me alone.”

Lando exactly knew he shouldn’t ask for that. They all had to race tomorrow, they needed to rest, especially after today. It was so much he asked for, he knew that, but he couldn’t help himself. And Carlos knew that too. He had his father near at least, could go to him if he needed some support, but Lando was all on his own here with his nineteen years. Even after everything he was almost still a kid.

The Spaniard didn’t think about it twice, he knew the young man did need him at the moment, so he quickly nodded his head to calm down his nerves again. “Don’t worry, little one. I won’t go anywhere.” Lando tried to give his team-mate a small, thankful smile, which did Carlos return in the same way, before the man got up to turn off the faint light of the standard lamp in the corner.

After he got back to the edge of the bed, the Spaniard opened his belt, got out of his jeans, socks and sweater. Lando did the same with his sweatpants, pulling the material and also his socks down his body, so he was only lying with his boxers and shirt on in bed any more.

Also Carlos finally laid himself under the blanket and next to his team-mate. Carefully Lando crawled closer to his body, searching for his near and soothing warmth. They met half-way, when the Spaniard placed one arm over his shoulders and pulled his smaller body closer into his side. A little hesitantly, but still glad for the near, the younger man wrapped his arm around Carlos’s belly and placed his head at his crotch.

“You are not alone. Try to get some rest, little one.” The older one whispered, before Lando fell pretty quickly totally exhausted asleep in his arms, with the knowing that nothing could harm him any more in Carlos’ protective arms.

The Brit slept better than he had expected, without any nightmares and he exactly knew he had to thank only his friend for that. If he wouldn’t have been here, Lando didn’t even know how he would have survived this night. But even when he had slept well, he was still awake very early. It was even still dark outside.

His head had wandered through the night, it was resting on Carlos chest now. Thankful for his near and warmth, the younger one cuddled himself even closer into his friend. Best he didn’t want to leave the bed ever in his life again. Carlos’ heartbeat and breathing did soothe him, while his thoughts were far away.

After a half eternity had passed by with just lying so peacefully like that, Carlos suddenly began to stroke his arms again. Lando hadn’t even noticed him waking up. But still he carefully whispered into the silence “Are you awake?”

Carlos only answered him with pressing his arms even closer around his smaller team-mate’s body, he had held him the whole night long, never let go. The older one probably just wanted to ask him how he was feeling, when Lando suddenly supported himself on his elbow and looked with messy hair and still a sleepy face back at his older friend.

“Happy Birthday, Carlos. I’m sorry for your Birthday being today, after what had happened yesterday. You should get celebrated the way you deserve it, but still.. Happy Birthday.” The Spaniard did look perplexed. He had totally forgotten about his own Birthday after everything had happened the last hours. Lando kept on eyeing him this lovingly way, till the older one formed a sleepy smile on his lips and whispered “Thank you, little one. You are one great team-mate, you know that?”

“But you are the best.” Lando whispered and the Spaniard exactly knew, that his friend meant the things he had done for him last night. Even when it was just holding him close and not letting go. “I hope you can still enjoy your Birthday. Maybe you can stand on the podium today, who knows.”

Carlos smiled at his younger team-mate, about his sweet words, even when both of them knew this was almost impossible for the older one to get on the podium from his starting position. But still he was thankful for his sweetness.

Lando also tried to smile back at him, before he laid down again, next to Carlos’ side this time. They both went silent, while they stared at the ceiling, thoughts far away. “Are you ready for racing?” The Spaniard finally asked carefully. He was worried about his younger team-mate, not knowing if it was a good idea for him to start today. If it was a good idea for anyone to start in a few hours.

“I think so. I mean, we have to do it or? For Anthoine.” Lando answered with a quiet voice, but still Carlos could hear out of it, that he was indeed able to race. Even after all, even at his age, he was still a professional. He was sometimes more adult than the Spaniard had wanted him to be.

“Yeah, we should do it. For him. For everyone up there. It’s the right way to honour him. Doing the thing he loved to do the most. Even when..” Carlos stopped here, being unable to say it out loud. He was too afraid about it himself.

“I want Charles to win today.” Lando suddenly said. “I want him to win for Anthoine, for his father, for Jules. He would deserve it so much. It’s all so unfair.” Carlos did agree with everything the younger one said, but still he answered “Life is never fair.”

“I know, but everything feels like it was for nothing. And I always have to think about that yesterday at this time he was still alive. Standing up in the morning without the knowing that the next time he will fall asleep again will be his last time. Falling asleep forever. What if this was my last night?”

Quickly Carlos interrupted his friend, only the thought about it frightened him to his bones. “Don’t say something like that. Don’t even think about it.” Lando kept quiet for some moments then, thinking about his team-mate’s words.

The young Brit still stared at the ceiling, while Carlos watched his profile. “I just can’t understand it. It all feels like a nightmare.” The younger one whispered and even when his body was shaking, he still wasn’t able to cry like he wanted so badly. Maybe he would feel a little better after.

“I know what you mean, little one. I feel the same. But we all have to go on. The world never stops, even when our world seemed to have stopped for a few moments yesterday. We have to keep going. Together.”

The two men stayed in bed for some more minutes, before they stood up with a heavy heart, but their heads already in race mode again. It was routine what they were doing then like before every race. More than usual Lando’s nerves began to shake and he felt very uncomfortable as closer they got to the start.

The young man didn’t know Anthoine’s family, but he knew the woman with the sun glasses on had to be his mother, who was framing Charles broken face and spoke to him calmly. A younger man, also with sun glasses on, was standing right behind her, his hand on her shoulder and he did also hug the Monegasque long, it had to be his brother.

It was heart breaking to see them like this. Just the thought about how his own family would react filled his already tired body with a new wave of sadness. How were they still able to stand here and give other comfort after their loss? It did warm his heart so much.

Their strength, seeing them like that how strong they were, made Lando feel so much stronger himself. It gave him more strength than anything else. He couldn’t imagine being in their situation right now. He wouldn’t be able to strand right here where everything had happened.

Lando quickly searched for his team-mate then, the sudden feeling was rushing through his body of not being able to do this all any more. But on the other side he knew he had to do. He had to race, for Anthoine. He just wanted this day to be finally over already now.

When they all did stand in a half circle, Anthoine’s mother and brother in the middle of them and they did all silent and think about their loss for one whole minute, Lando had to lean against Carlos. He wasn’t able to take it alone any more, even when he still couldn’t cry. Compassionate the Spaniard laid his arm over his small shoulders and pulled him protective into his side.

After the minute was over, which felt like a half, heart breaking eternity for the young Brit, Carlos hugged his friend tight for one more time, before he slowly let go of him. But before they had to go their own ways he looked him deep into his eyes and said “Be careful out there, little one. Stay safe.” Quickly Lando nodded his head, before he wished his team-mate the same and good luck for his race.

After, everything happened so fast, he couldn’t really remember about it any more, like he had been in trance. And then Lando suddenly already saw the red lights in front of him and he was almost surprised about his car moving, even when it was himself who had done it.

He did only focus about the race anymore and he couldn’t believe his luck when some space opened up right on front of him in the very first corner. He could slip so easily through it, making many places good with doing so and finding himself suddenly on fifth place.

Lando was so damn excited about it, while he followed the safety car, but he got pushed down on the ground again, when he saw the car of his team-mate standing in one corner. His feelings had to get through so much in the last hours.

Just a few seconds ago he was so happy for being so far already at this time at the race and then he had to watch how Carlos’ race had already ended so early. Best he wanted to stop and give him his car, so he could go on. He did deserve it, it was his Birthday. But that wasn’t possible of course.

From now on Lando had to race for Anthoine, for the team, himself defending this place and now also for his friend. He wanted to make him proud, to give him something to celebrate today. The young Brit wanted to give Carlos something back after everything he had already done for him.

And so he gave his best, he drove his heart out of his chest and even when all these reasons were in his heart, his head was still full by only one thing. Racing. Doing the thing he loved the most since he could think. Lando wasn’t afraid any more, he was in his element again. He was born to race.

What he didn’t know in that moment was that Carlos didn’t want to give any interviews, because he wanted to watch his younger team-mate and cheer for him. And he almost made it. Lando could already see the Spaniards happy and proud face, that wide, shining smile on his lips.

He could already imagine how it would feel to end this race with his best result in Formula one ever so far. He would have been able to give his very best to honour Anthoine. He would have been in harmony with himself again, knowing that he had done everything he was able to.

But then it happened and he just couldn’t believe it. His damn car broke before he could start the last lap. Lando just couldn’t believe it, even when it did fit to this horrible weekend. Just one more lap and he would have felt better. But now he only felt even worse. This just couldn’t be true.

He yelled into his microphone, not mattering about who was listening. This just had to be a damn unfunny joke. When he finally stopped his stupid car a whimper escaped his lips and the young Brit thought that right now he was finally able to cry. But still there weren’t any tears. His eyes were only glistening, in anger.

He was so angry like he wasn’t since a very long time. When he climbed out of his car he best wanted to start yelling and hit at the next best thing, but then he saw the safety car coming and right behind it Charles in his red Ferrari. He had made it. He had really won. For Anthoine.

Even when just one second ago Lando was so angry, he was so glad and happy right now. He looked up into the sky and thanked for Charles’ win. His own anger about not ending the race was pushed back, when he watched the Ferrari drive over the finish line. But still he couldn’t cry.

When the fifth had also finally ended his race the anger didn’t come back, but instead there came sadness. It should have been him. Lando was fifth since the very first lab, he had defended it so hard and wanted it for his so many reasons. But it just shouldn’t have been.

The young man had to watch till everyone had finished their race. With a lowered head between his shoulders the Brit finally left his car behind and walked over the racetrack to the McLaren motorhome. He was so disappointed in himself, sad about not giving his best and he also felt horrible for Anthoine knowing that he couldn’t honour him the way he would have deserved it. And also for his friend Carlos. He must be very disappointed about it. Lando was afraid about seeing his expression.

When he finally entered the place with heavy steps and a still in shame lowered head, he could see from the corner of his eyes how someone was running over to where he walked powerless. It was Carlos and in the second Lando saw his team-mate he was finally able to cry.

He wasn’t able to stand his expression, to see the disappointment and the sadness in his face, even when Carlos didn’t look one bit like that. In contrast, his gaze was soft, his eyes looked worried, while he made his fastest way over to his breaking down team-mate.

Lando tried to hide his face, his tears behind his hands. His shoulders were shaking badly and just in the second when he had thought his knees were boycotting his bodyweight and he already wanted to fall down to his knees, Carlos did catch his friend and pulled him into a tight hug.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He muttered between heart breaking sobs, too ashamed to take his hands away from his face, while the older one pressed him gently against his chest. “Why are you so sorry, little one?” The Spaniard asked carefully, but he didn’t get an answer to his question. The young Brit just wasn’t able to say even one word any more.

He was so glad for being able to lean against his friend, to get held, even when he didn’t deserve it. Carlos rubbed his trembling back up and down, while he whispered close to his ear that everything will be good again. That it was over now.

He was right. The damn race was finally over and Lando could breathe again, even when breathing did hurt so much right now. The emotions had finally got the upper hand over his body, after somehow suppressing them for so long.

Lando’s state also got the attention from some other team members. They seemed to want to get closer to the two of them standing there in the middle of the room, when Carlos shook his head, stopped them from come closer with his hand and said into their direction “Just give us one second.” Before he leaded the still crying, young man in his arms into the next room, where they finally got some privacy.

Thankfully there was a small couch in the corner to which Carlos finally brought his friend and made him sit down with his legs over his lab. The Spaniard pulled Lando even closer, when the young man wrapped his arms searching for help around his upper body. His face Lando had buried into the crock of Carlos’ neck, where the tears ran out of his eyes and down his face like little rivers.

Carefully the older one held his head, while moving softly through his locks with his fingers. Carlos tried to calm him down as good as he could, whispering shooting things into his ears, telling him that it was okay to cry and he should let it all out now before going on. Some tears even fell over the edge of the Spaniard’s eyes, seeing his little team-mate so down did hurt him as much as Lando himself.

They both didn’t know how long they were sitting like that, but they seemed to need it after the last hours. Slowly the Brit’s body did calm down again. He wasn’t shaking so much any more, more trembling about the lost adrenalin inside his body. He began to feel cold, but at the same time he felt so warm and protected in Carlos’ arms wrapped so tight around him.

Lando could feel his breath against his hair, giving him goose bumps, while the older one had buried his nose deep inside his locks. When his tears had finally dried, Carlos gently placed a soft kiss on top of his head, before he whispered carefully “About what are you sorry for, little one? You really shouldn’t feel this way.”

It did cost him some strength to answer his friend’s question, he best just wanted to forget everything and not ever talk about it again. Lando’s voice did still sound very weak, when he said with a small voice “I.. I have wanted it so bad. I have wanted to race over this stupid finish line to get this damn fifth place. It was so close. There was even the safety car, the last lap would have been so easy with it.”

“Don’t be so hard to yourself, little one. You did so great.” Carlos tried to calm him down, holding him still in his arms and talking so close to his ear. “Yeah, until I messed it up.” Lando muttered upset and angry at himself. He still couldn’t believe it. He was so stupid.

“What are you talking about, little one? It really wasn’t your fault, you couldn’t have changed it even when you wanted it so bad. It’s awful that it just had to happen in this moment, but it’s definitely not your fault. Everyone said that and I have also seen it with my own eyes. You were so great the whole time, your best race so far without any mistakes. For me you have finished on the fifth place today.”

Slowly Lando did free himself from their embrace, so he could eye Carlos’ expression, to see if he had really meant it all serious. “So you aren’t mad at me?” He asked still carefully. Surprised but also shocked the Spaniard looked down at him for some moments, before he asked with an unbelieving smile on his lips “How could I ever be mad at you?”

Ashamed the young Brit did avoid his eyes, playing with his sleeves instead, when he told him with a small voice “Because I have wanted to make you proud, especially on your Birthday. I have wanted to give you something back after what you have done for me. I have disappointed you and I’m so sorry for destroying your Birthday.”

Lando had expected Carlos to tell him that he was right, that he had indeed disappointed him so badly and he was angry at him for making this day to one of his worst ones ever. But instead the older man said something in Spanish and it didn’t sound angrily at all. Lando flinched together, he didn’t know what he had actually expected, when Carlos placed his index finger under his chin and made him so looking directly up into his dark eyes.

“Oh, Lando. You really haven’t made me frustrated, angry or anything like that. The total opposite actually. I could never hate you. I’m proud even, so damn proud about you. We all are. The way you have raced today, putting your whole heart into it, had lightened up my day and it was the best birthday present you could have given to me. I don’t know how you have done this all after everything. You would have deserved it so much, you know that yourself, but your time will come, little one. Just be some more patient. I just know it.”

The young Brit was overwhelmed, while he was staring at his friend with an opened mouth. “Don’t look at me like that. I have meant every word. You will gonna become one of the bests soon.” Carlos finally pulled his younger team-mate into a well-meant hug again, till he had caught himself and was finally able to speak again.

“I’m also sorry for what happened to you. I have wished to change cars with you, when I saw you standing there. Not on your Birthday, I have thought.” Lando told him seriously, to which Carlos replied into their usual teasing way “Oh thanks for trying to give me a broken car, so I would have had to stop before being able to start the last lap.”

The younger one could feel him smile and also Lando’s lips formed a small smile again, before he answered in the same teasing way than his team-mate “But at least I got still further than you.” They both giggled, before some silence covered their bodies again.

The smile on their lips were gone, when Lando almost whispered “Maybe you would have made it to bring the damn car over the finish line. You would have deserved it so much.” Gently the Spaniard stroked over his upper arm, before he whispered into his hair “You know this isn’t true, little one. Again, it’s not your fault and seeing you race like one of the big ones let me forget about what had happened and made me very happy. Next time you will make it, you will see. And you came back, you are still here. I couldn’t be any happier.”

Lando’s voice did sound very sad again, when he confessed his friend the next. “Maybe you are right, but still it felt like I haven’t done my best, haven’t done enough to honour Anthoine. Even when Charles has won, for him.”

“You have done and given your very best the whole day long. You can be so proud about yourself and if you ask me, you have done a lot for Anthoine to honour him. Just getting in your car this morning was already enough to honour him. And seeing how much you cared about someone you didn’t know very close just shows me what a great soul you are, Lando. Don’t ever forget that. And I’m sure Anthoine had enjoyed the race watching up there.”

The whole weight finally fell down from his shoulders by Carlos’ soft words and from one second to the other Lando felt so much better, so much lighter. That was why he suddenly threw his arms around his team-mate’s neck and hugged him close. “Wow, not so stormy, little one.” He older one choked out, because the Brit had wrapped his arms really tight around his neck.

Lando finally got it, that he really shouldn’t feel this way. He actually had no reason for that. Instead he should feel happy, thankful and also proud about himself. “Thank you so much, Carlos. You are the best team-mate on the whole world. What would I do without you?”

“Probably annoying someone else.” Carlos answered, but the young man knew how he meant it. The Spaniard pulled his younger friend closer for one more time, before he kissed softly his tremble and whispered against his skin “I’m always there for you, little one.”

The two of them had missed the presentation ceremony completely, but they congratulated Valtteri, Lewis and also Charles afterwards with their whole hearts. The Monegasque looked so happy, even when there were still tears glistening in his eyes. Also Pierre looked more than happy and relieved about his friend’s win, about his both friend’s win.

Latest when Carlos got his Birthday cake from the whole team later that day, everything felt somehow normal again. The two were fooling around again, teased each other, because life had to go on. Lando also gave his friend his presents. One package Jaffa cakes and the CD from his favourite song smooth operator. Carlos’ just rolled his eyes about it and told him, that he was right before about already have gotten the best birthday present from him, because these were shit.

Normally everyone wanted to get their fastest way back home after the race was finally over, but today was different. They all probably still wanted to get home to their loved ones very badly, but at the same time no one did. No one dared to leave.

Someone had asked for a campfire by the racetrack, where everyone was sitting around now. All drivers from Formula one, almost everyone from two and even some from Formula three. They didn’t do much, they mostly just talked. Some drank a beer, some showed each other pictures on their phones and some listened to the sound of the crickets nearby.

You couldn’t hear any laughers that night, but you could still spot some smiles from time to time. Lando was more than surprised to have found the biggest smile, even when it still wasn’t a real smile more just a small smirk, on Charles’ lips and this for the whole evening long.

Most of the time he just stared at the campfire, his eyes were glistening, his thoughts far away by his childhood friend. He had really made it, that win was for him and they will all remember about it forever. Pierre was sitting close to him, he had leaned his head against his shoulder, while he had the exact same expression, while watching the flames dancing and being lost in his memories.

Max and Daniel had one of their conversations, the older once smile also wasn’t that big than usual today. Lewis was laying in the grass and watched peacefully the night sky. They hadn’t formed any groups, they were sitting in a nice chaos. Formula one driver next to Formula two and three drivers. They were one big family right now.

Lando pulled the sleeves from his hoody over his hands and tried to soak up as much heat of the campfire as possible. Carlos was sitting right next to him, like always. He was also calling him _cabron_ like usual again, but when he noticed him shivering, he laid his arm over his younger friend’s shoulders and rubbed his upper arm to get him warm. “You feel cold, Landi?”

Lando didn’t give his friend that look like usual when he called him like that, knowing that this time he really wasn’t trying to annoy or tease him. Instead, the Brit even cuddled into his side, glad for his warmth and giggled sweetly. “I have missed your smile, little one.” The Spaniard whispered down to him and Lando didn’t know if Carlos' eyes or the stars above them were shining more in that moment.

The young man knew he didn’t have to ask, if the older one will stay by his side tonight. Lando already knew right now that Carlos will sleep right next to him again this night and give him the safety he still needed, even when he already felt so much better because of him.

Time won’t heal their wounds, it will only make them more liveable, they will make room for the pain. But till then it was a long, hard way. Most of them were traumatized and will probably only get it how much this weekend had changed their lives in a few days.

Summer was definitely over. They all slowly became their old selves again. Sadly there was one place free in their middle now, in the moment even two with Juan Manuel also still missing in their round, but they won’t ever forget Anthoine and what he had done for all of them.

They could all just hope for tomorrow being kinder to all of them.

Rest in peace.


End file.
